My Rope of Hope

The past few weeks have been quiet.  Quiet is hard for me.  Quiet is not natural for me.  I’ve even been quiet on the blog.  God made it pretty clear to me that I needed to be quiet.  I needed to be still.  It was time for him to speak, and me to not.

An update is way overdue.

We have been pre-approved to move forward with the adoption of our sweet boy by the China Centre for Children’s Welfare and Adoption (CCCWA).  Our next step is a huge one, signing contracts, first agency fees due, etc. I continue to pray that we are truly following God’s plan here…. That BOTH my husband and I feel that this is the right path for our family. (This is BIG). We had both felt comfortable enough in the process up to submitting our application with the adoption agency.  Getting to the point of being 100% all in is coming at different paces for my husband and I.  Because I tend to let my heart lead, I’ve been all in for quite a while.  My husband is the voice of logic and reason in our family.  His path to 100% is a bit slower than mine.  That doesn’t mean that it’s better or worse than mine, just slower and more purposeful.  He’s more apt to consider all the what ifs.

We learned earlier in our marriage that we just process things differently.  Take for example if we start talking about building a house.  Ten minutes later I have the house designed, I’ve picked out the carpet, chosen paint colors, began to plan where all the furniture can go, and have started the landscape plans.  My husband on the other hand hasn’t given any of that a thought.  He is still just starting to think about it.  He’ll process each step of the decision thoroughly, one step at a time. Together we make a great team.  I tend to stretch him.  He keeps me grounded.

I’ve spent the past few weeks giving him space to process.  Being still. I’ve been trying to hold on to a thread of hope that he’s still processing and on the path to 100%.  He’s also had some medical appointments these past few weeks and I wanted to make sure that those were all going to turn out ok before we continued on our path.  The appointments went well and I breathed a sigh of relief.

Sunday we sent our grown daughter back to finish her last year of college 1900 miles away from home.  I loved having her home for Christmas break.  She and her dad were able to take several day trips, and they talked.  He was able to ask her some of his questions.  She spent time in China this past summer with Show Hope.  She was able to learn about the world’s orphan crisis first hand.  She was a great resource to have around while I was quiet.

While our daughter was home we took family photos!  It was our one chance with all four of us in the same state.  I LOVE them.  We also took photos that we will be able to use as adoption announcement photos when the time is right.  This was a thread of hope for me that my husband was willing to take these photos.  (My funny story about the photos…..I had a bit of an ace up my sleeve.  I wanted a child’s chair and a globe for the photos.  Several years ago I closed the photography studio that I owned.  I figured that I could put out a request for a chair and globe for a photo shoot and no one would think twice about it.  Success!  Along with a note from the lender that they were glad I was still doing some photography!  I guess I’ll have to come clean someday.)

During the past few weeks I’ve avoided most social media.  It’s been hard.  I follow so many families that have either already adopted or are in the process, most of them from China.  As excited as I am for these families, and as much as I love following their stories….. it hurt to see them.

Today the silence was broken.  Today we talked.  Today I cried.  I ugly cried.  We’ve had pre-approval for two and a half weeks now.  I haven’t had contact with our agency in those two and a half weeks.  He and I haven’t really talked about the adoption much since pre-approval.  This morning as we talked I asked him if he knew how hard it has been for me to not push and to wait.  I think he knows. I told him how hard it had been to try and hold on to a thread of hope.  His reply…… I’ll never forget his reply.  He assured me that I had more than a thread to hold on to, he told me that I have a rope.  I’m holding on to a rope of hope!

This evening we began to look over the contract and start to understand what an undertaking this paper chase will be to bring home our boy.  Next step, complete our contract, get it notarized, and we’ll need to work on getting the first fee paid to our agency.  We talked about when we could start fundraising.  We talked about when to start telling people.  (So far this blog is fairly anonymous, and we’ve told only a select group of people)

I continue to be reminded that God is sovereign, and I will continue to trust. I’m learning to be still and let God work and speak. And I’m falling more and more in love with a little boy on the other side of the world.

I’m learning to hold on to my rope of hope.  I have a ROPE!