A Letter to My Sweet Boy

To my sweet boy,

I want you to know, more than anything, you are loved.  You are wanted.  You are chosen.

We just celebrated Christmas and while our family celebrated the birth of our Savior and enjoyed time together, there was something obviously missing.  You weren’t home yet. You were fervently missed.  My heart longed to have you with us.  As we celebrated your absence was never forgotten.

We are still in the early days of the process to bring you home to your forever family.  We were hoping to be locked in with you for Christmas.  I wanted to be able to share your picture with friends and family for Christmas.  I wanted to declare to the world that I have a son halfway across the world that I am missing on Christmas.  Unfortunately that didn’t happen.  There were a few procedural delays that were out of our control that have prevented that lock from happening before Christmas.  It has all been straightened out and the process is once again in motion.  And I am once again reminded to remember that God is Sovereign.  He knows the timing and the reasons, and I will trust Him.

On the day before Christmas my mind was consumed with thoughts of you.  Knowing that it was 7am on Christmas morning where you are.  Thinking about you waking up not knowing you have a family.  Spending yet another Christmas dreaming about having a mama and baba to call your own.  Dreaming of a mama and baba that would call you theirs forever.  I wept for your Christmas.  I wished with all my heart that I could fix it right at that moment.  But once again, God is sovereign and I need to trust in His timing.  I wish you could have known that you have a family.  You have a mama and baba that already love you, a brother and a sister that can’t wait to have you come home.

I wept again on Christmas morning knowing that where you are the clock was striking midnight, and another Christmas was coming to an end.  Eight Christmases have passed for you without a family to share it with.  We are praying that the adoption process goes smoothly and quickly.  We want you to be home for next Christmas, my sweet boy.  What an incredible celebration that will be!  I pray that this was the last Christmas that you will wake up as an orphan.  I pray that next Christmas is spent surrounded by your forever family.

I love and miss you, sweet boy.  I can’t wait to hold you.  I can’t wait to establish new holiday traditions with you.  I watched so many families that have grown their families through adoption this past year posting photos of their holiday celebrations.  It made me miss you even more.  But it also made me excited for what is yet to come.

Amongst the tears I was also thankful.  I’m thankful that you were surrounded by people that have loved you while waiting for a family.  I know that those caring for you have loved you the best that they can.  I can see it in your smile.

Waiting is so hard, I’m sorry that you’ve had to wait for so long.  And although you aren’t with a forever family you have never been alone.  Psalm 68:5 says, “A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.”  I hold tight to that promise for you, sweet boy.  May you feel the presence of your heavenly baba holding you tight as you wait for us to come get you.

I love you, sweet boy.

-mama

 

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