Growing up in church, I’m no stranger to the idea of a sovereign God. But growing up hearing about the idea of a Sovereign God and deciding to BELIEVE and TRUST in a Sovereign God are completely different.
The first 30 hours after submitting our application for adoption has been a roller coaster of emotions. I have gone from extreme joy to ultimate fear and back again. I’ve gone from complete trust to extreme doubt and held my breath through the loop de loop. A few hours after hitting the submit button I felt like I was looking for a lifeboat. I found myself googling “adoption panic” wondering if I was the only one to feel this way. I’m fortunate to have some friends that I trust to give me wise counsel. I know that they share my beliefs and faith. They steered my lifeboat last night and early this morning.
One of my biggest worries wasn’t for me and what bringing this little boy into our family would mean for us. I’m not going to lie, those thoughts have been going through my head as well, but my thoughts are on this little boy. What happens if the doors close on this process in 3 months and we are not able to bring this little boy home and in the meantime he’s missed out on being matched with another family? I almost felt guilty for starting the process to become mommy to this little boy. As if little ole me could thwart the plans that God has laid out.
I’m thankful for a friend that simply reminded me that “God is sovereign.” Ultimately, He has a plan. He has a plan for my husband and me. He has a plan for our grown biological children. He has a plan for my young son that is 6500 miles away. If bringing this little boy home is truly meant to be, then I believe that the doors will open. If the doors close, then I believe that we are following the call that we’re supposed to be following and experiencing what God wants us to experience in the process. And either outcome, God has an amazing plan.
In my panic, I even reached out to a photographer that I admire and follow on social media. He has a beautiful daughter, Pearl, with the most amazing red hair who also has special needs. Their family has been a tangible example to me of seeing God’s grace in action. I got a message back from him shortly after waking up today. It was exactly what I needed. It was my grace for the moment. What did he tell me? He told me that I was right, that the path ahead of us might be difficult. Best of all, he told me to “dig in.” to “continue to feel everything that you feel like feeling but never get too comfortable with yourself.” But as much as I needed to hear all of that, even more so I needed the next tidbit of advice he passed on from someone that had passed it on to him who knows how long ago. That piece of wisdom being, that “while I was trying to change the world, God was just trying to change me. And I think that’s beautiful.” [If you want to see tangible grace visit ericbrownphoto.com
to learn a little bit about Eric and his family. Then click on the link for disproportionatejoy.com
and be ready to be wrecked. Have tissues ready. And then visit Eric’s Instagram
and witness the Grace of a Sovereign God. I dare you to go back to the beginning of the story his instagram tells and not see God’s hand.]
2 Corinthians 12:7 (MSG) “My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.”
Even as I finish writing this blog entry God is still reminding me that He is sovereign. I haven’t visited Eric’s website in months, if not well over a year. I was clicking through the links in my post to make sure that they work. I could just tell you what happened, but instead I’ll let you experience this with me…… After you click on the link to visit disproportionatejoy.com
click on the link for “Other Writing” at the top of his page and see what the top item is on that menu and then have a read. Sovereign.
Isa 46:9-11 (MSG)
Remember your history, your long and rich history.
I am God, the only God you’ve had or ever will have—incomparable, irreplaceable
From the very beginning telling you what the ending will be,
All along letting you in on what is going to happen,
Assuring you, ‘I’m in this for the long haul, I’ll do exactly what I set out to do,’
Calling that eagle, Cyrus, out of the East, from a far country the man I chose to help me.
I’ve said it, and I’ll most certainly do it. I’ve planned it, so it’s as good as done.
(The Message paraphrases a bit, but I like how this version can be easier to understand.)